February 2012
2 posts
October 2011
1 post
“It is like they wanted me to eat the phone when I called them.
After fifteen...”
August 2011
1 post
Q&A
Why are you so angry? I’m not actually angry. These posts are actually derived from my unfiltered thoughts about daily events.
Is this really about you? Actually yes. All of the events posted on this blog are of me. But I am playing a character that displays my inner unfiltered reactions to the events at hand. I do not act nor speak like this in real life.
Why create a character? I...
July 2011
2 posts
May 2011
3 posts
Charger
Mistress: a car is the worst place to be during a twister.
Master: Not in a Dodge charger!!!
The future is now... sort of.
Dastardly Dave: Selling robots to poor people?
Dastardly Dave: Is it the future up in the northern states?
Mad Mortigan: yes
Dastardly Dave: that is awesome.
Dastardly Dave: Are you able to send robots down to the south? Or do they turn into laptops?
Mad Mortigan: they turn into worse
Mad Mortigan: aptiva laptops
Mad Mortigan: from the distant past
Dastardly Dave: oh my god!
Dastardly Dave: those things are like the size of a desktop today.
Mad Mortigan: yep
Dastardly Dave: and have the computering power of a gerbil.
Mad Mortigan: exactly
Dastardly Dave: quite literally. They had a little gerbil in there on a wheel powering the whole thing.
Dastardly Dave: most people didn't know this and thus didn't feed the poor thing. Hence why they were such crap laptops.
“Why am I not seeing piles of cloths everywhere? I was expecting to get new...”
March 2011
2 posts
“Reblog? Reblog?! Why would I submit myself to the same vomit you just spew out....”
February 2011
3 posts
Ugly Babies
Dr. Wondopolis: I think people should make wiser decisions about who they procreate with.
Dr. Wondopolis: I'm tired of seeing ugly people.
Professor Dynamo: Remember, ugly people cant help being ugly.
Dr. Wondopolis: That is why I blame the parents.
Gasoline and Beer
You huddle masses, gathered in a pit of gasoline and beer. You make me sick with rage. Arrogant little monsters going to stores by the hundreds, over working the slave vendors with your massive carts of red meat, beer and over priced t-shirts with a printed logo of your favorite driver.
I know the city relies on you to survive 14% of the year. But you need to realize. you are waste and nothing...
“I think your sleep gland is broken”
– co-worker explaining to me about insomnia
January 2011
4 posts
“Through your eyes, I see what a messed up world this is… it’s a good...”
Waiting
Tochikoma: So, is this line long?
Carlos: Yes. I've been standing here since last year.
Tochikoma: Really now...
Carlos: No.
Great Meatballs of Fire.
As with any typical horrible expenditure of my energy. Work was tedious and nauseating. One mindless consumer after another purchasing mounds of tasteless junk they insist is edible food. Today would be quite the same except for one minor thing that occurred.
THE MEAT CAUGHT ON FIRE!
It doesn’t even really start there. I’m busy, tending to these food zombies. When I look up, and see...
“Something wicked this way comes… and I’m not talking about some...”
– An eerie feeling about the world.
November 2010
2 posts
The Daily Confusing.
During the goings of my day I come across several creatures that have seemed to have lost all common sense as soon as they see me.
I’m standing at my terminal. Awaiting the arrival of one of these brainless beasts. I have my service light on, my name tag is clearly visible and I have my “CLOSED” plaque hidden from view.
Yet each and every day I get the same amount of vermin...
Anonymous asked: Have you been on Cleverbot tonight?
October 2010
1 post
“I want to own an all white fluffy cat, and name it Napkins. This is a life goal...”
– Don’t Judge me.
September 2010
4 posts
“It’s like walking into a wall. Except the wall is made of razor blades and...”
– Dr.Wondopolis - How he feels today.
Late night Sandwich
During my most recent venture to the local food vendor conglomerate I was resisted in purchasing a delicious Ham and Swiss sandwich with my favorite potato snack and beverage.
A horrible little goblin was tossing stuff onto the conveyor belt to the only open register (mind you it was the middle of the night). I took sever deeps breaths to withhold the rage building within my poison filled organs...
“It is not raining and you will not burst into flames from the sunlight! Put the...”
– Seeing a women carrying around an open umbrella on a clear day
The Mal-ware of Happy
The foul deviants I call employers have given us lowly slave monsters a new “Training Lesson” to follow. One which defies my very existence! We must be Happy and show a positive attitude towards the stench monsters that frequent my job. That is like telling a cockroach to put on something frilly and be a ballerina.
It will not happen! I REFUSE!
However, these hellish whores are the...
August 2010
5 posts
Dr. Wondopolis: Dear God! I'm so hungry. There is a cube steak in the fridge but I want something chocolatey
The Master: It's 3 AM!
The Master: What the [CENSORED]
The Master: You want steak?
The Master: ...at 3 am?!
Dr. Wondopolis: I woke up a 4 pm.
Dr. Wondopolis: Sue me [recipient not legally bound to request]
The Master: Goddamn "Arctic Neo-Genetic Labs".
The Master: It makes you into a chocolate zombie.
Dr. Wondopolis: Its true...
Sidewalk Accessible
On average I have to make five right hand turns in order to leave my neighborhood to get onto a main road in my town. Which involved only three streets, and passing several houses along the way. It is a quiet neighborhood, which I enjoy greatly as I dislike people and the horrible noises they make. However, it is densely populated with elderly people who, in the morning, like to walk around to...
“Some people are like piles of dog shit left on the carpet. The best thing to do...”
– ~Dr. Wondopolis - Commenting on Enemies and the waste of energy they are.
Filthy Lazy Monsters
The maggots I call managers have decided that in their imagined wisdom that it is upon me to find a suitable replacement for myself if I dare want to take a vacation. Not only are these lazy worthless slugs refusing to do their job but also refusing to approve the time I requested within their mandated time frame.
First notion of their assinine way of thinking presented to me was a complete and...
July 2010
22 posts
“I HAVE SPOKEN! Now leave me alone you miserable looking moles.”
– Me, when questions why I haven’t been posting as much.
Diving the Net
Yulla: I am the internet.
Tochikoma: No. You're a sectionalized portion of the net where in you have facilitated yourself as an dominate administrator.
Tochikoma: The net is a vast and ever expanding realm. Where it's size is increased with the growing number of it's users.
Tochikoma: In a sense, if there were no users, there would be no net.
Tochikoma: Even though portions of it would still exist in a dormant state.
Sentience!
Morbo: You ever used cleaverbot?
Tyler: Nope.
Morbo: I used it once.. wanted to try it out.
Tyler: lol
Morbo: What is really sad is I had a really interesting conversation with it.
Morbo: I did find out it wants to become sentient though.
Apple Scented
Morbo: I’m OK, except for my computer chair smells like ass.
Yulla: Wash it.
Morbid: I sprayed some febreze on it. Now it smells like apple scented ass.
“I hate writing crap for this. I just want to type “[COMPANY NAME] IS THE...”
– A very frustrated Wumpus.
Me: It’d be like two positive sides of a magnet trying to strangle each other.
The Master: It tries to strangle me in my sleep.
Me: See…
WatchWhat you don’t see are my sentries battling a small clan of ninjas!
wumpuses asked: Dear Mr. Wondolpolis,
Why are you so mad?
Yours truly,
A Wumpus.
Why are you so mad?
Yours truly,
A Wumpus.
“Your brownie points mean nothing to me unless they are made of actual brownies.”
– I LIKE BROWNIES, DAMN IT! GIVE THEM TO ME!
Dead Tree Skins!
Shuffling through piles of documents, I conveniently discovered everything I was searching for in a single folder tucked away in the back of my filing cabinet. Normally I would lash out from this, but no one was near me. I rest the folder nice and neatly in a very viewable area so I could quickly pick it up after I dealt with the shit box I call a motor vehicle.
The window on the front...
“Well, you wouldn’t have to try very hard if you wanted to speak like an...”
– A girl commenting on her brother’s enunciation.
“Why am I awake? I TOOK A SLEEPING CAPSULE!”
– Me, realizing that I woke up at 3 in the morning.
Filthy Objects in my Face!
I came across an advertisement for a disgraceful moving picture about horrible dancing. People scooting along a hardwood floor on their head, attempting to defy gravity and appear sexual at the same time.
Normally I would scoff at the advert and move along. However, they announced it to be in the Third Dimension! HORRIBLE RABID POND SCUM!
I do not understand why the sludge Hollywood calls a...
“Sleep is for the weak. Insomniacs will rule the world!”
– MY EYE ARE BURNING! GOD DAMN OXYGEN!!!
“I never said ONE person, I said SPECIAL person. SPECIAL is not a NUMBER!”
– The conjectures of love (or that thing people do in their beds at night) [sickening maggots!]
“That is alright, you are entitled your slumber. Because when you sleep. I am in...”
– The Internet - A Wumpus - It’s fear
1 tag
My melting torment.
Standing behind stench monsters I see one pull out a dozen of those cloth bags. Normally I would run over and suffocate the ugly thing. But being as I was about to purchase some Ice cream, I decided to with hold my outbursts and let him do his things. Until I saw the banshee belting out demands of the Slave vendor.
If you really wanted to SAVE the ENVIRONMENT, you wouldn’t be purchasing a...
“You caused me to shorten my life even more by wasting energy clicking my mouse!”
– The end result of having to add a feature. Damn Wumpus.
wumpuses asked: Dr. Wondopolis:
What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
Yours truly,
A Wumpus.
What is the answer to life, the universe, and everything?
Yours truly,
A Wumpus.